I feel like I’ve been staring at this computer screen for the past few hours, when in reality, it’s been almost three weeks. How do I write about something that I can’t even come to terms with myself? How do I open up and make my darkest truths public for everyone to read and judge me for? Well, I guess I can start with this; Hi, my name is Ally and I’ve lied to you.
Each day when you wake up in the morning, you can choose what kind of person you want to portray yourself as, and I feel like I have been lying to everyone. Behind this mask, I am vulnerable. I am insecure. And my life is not perfect. I see the same girls you see on Instagram and compare my body, my lifestyle, my everything to them. And I hide because I am afraid of what people might think of me. There, I said it. It’s so much easier to put on a smile than to admit to your closest friends and family that you feel lost.
So how did I get here? How did someone who had so many plans for the future end up like this? To be completely honest, I think I just let myself get so caught up in life and in turn, small pieces of me began to slip away. This empty feeling has held me back from so much and caused me to lose touch with who I am and what I used to love doing.
Now I could sit here and go on and on about how I have all of these plans to get back on track, but like I said in the beginning, it’s time to get real. So no, I don’t really have any plans, but what I can say is that with every day that I choose to let people in– let people see behind this mask, I feel a tiny glimmer of hope in my heart that things can change. This journey of finding who I truly am is not going to happen over night, but I know it will bring good back to my life.
So for all of you lost girls out there; the girls who think they aren’t good enough, the girls who are unsure of what the future might hold, and the girls who feel like life keeps pushing them down, let’s get through this together. Step by step, hand in hand. We can do this. xo